


Rome's Legacy

by trepkos



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: Apologies, Beating, M/M, Makeup Sex, Rape Recovery, Rough Sex, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-29
Updated: 2014-03-29
Packaged: 2017-10-23 03:20:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/245732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trepkos/pseuds/trepkos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/227716">A Gift from Rome</a>.<br/>Arthur and Kai return home, but they have to deal with the aftermath of what happened at the Arena.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rome's Legacy

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Ideserveyou for beta reading.

**I**

They arrive back at the inn they left so long ago – or that’s the way it seems – to find their horses waiting there, exactly as Ezra guaranteed. Both Sky and Blackstar turn looks of reproach on Arthur and Kai, and then – forgiving – push their heads against them. 

While Kai checks them over, and puts on their tack, Arthur takes his leave of Abel.

“Don’t forget – there’s a place for you in our village, if you need one.”

Abel shakes his head. “Thanks, but – I got these three to look after, ain’t I?” He pets the nose of the bay mare.

Arthur nods. “Glad to see they’re in good hands.”

“Thanks to you!” Abel ties the arena horses’ reins together, then swings himself into the grey horse’s saddle.

Kai comes out. “Ours are saddled up, and ready to go.” He strokes the big grey’s nose, and scratches behind her ears. “Goodbye, Leesa.” 

Able cocks his head. “What’s the others’ names then?” 

“Better ask them that!”

Abel grins. “I will.” He snaps a salute, and turns Leesa towards the gate. 

As Abel’s three charges trot out of the yard, Kai’s horse whinnies; Arthur’s horse replies in kind.

“They’re bored,” Kai says. “Keen to be off.” 

“Myself, also.”

~~

But Arthur looks so tired …

Kai gestures towards the inn. “We could stay here tonight. We’ll be safe. They won’t take us a second time.” 

Arthur shakes his head. “I don’t know whether I’ll ever feel safe – anywhere – again, and certainly not here.” 

“Alright then. We’ll sleep under the stars tonight.”

“I haven’t seen them in so long …”

Kai gives Arthur’s arm a squeeze, then hastens to fetch their horses from the stable. 

When he comes out, he finds Arthur shading his eyes, looking keenly towards the west. 

Kai takes the water skins from their packs. “We still have time to put some miles between ourselves and London – but let me get provisions from the inn. We’re in no fit state to hunt before dark.” 

Arthur nods, and hands him a coin from the pouch Ezra gave them, and Kai goes inside, buys bread and meat, and has their skins filled: one with water, one with mead. 

It takes but a few moments, but by the time he returns, Arthur is glancing anxiously about, while the fretting horses pass his fear between them. 

“Arthur?”

Arthur starts, then sees him, takes a deep breath, and lets Kai take the reins from his hand.

Kai holds Arthur’s offside stirrup, to help him mount.

“Thanks.” Arthur purses his lips. “Am I ever going to finish thanking you?”

Kai lays a hand on Arthur’s boot. “Whenever you like.” 

He mounts his horse, and rides out of the yard, and Arthur follows.

So begins their journey home.

~~

Kai tries to think of things to talk about, but everything that comes to mind concerns the life they’ve just escaped – inside the prison walls. Arthur surely wants to banish that from his mind. So Kai looks around for something – anything – to discuss: a bird’s flight, or a cloud, shaped like Mark of Cornwall. 

But Arthur rides ahead, his gaze elsewhere. 

More than once, Kai starts to ask Arthur if he’s alright. He stops himself in time. 

Mostly, they ride in silence. Kai contents himself with smelling the fresh breeze, listening to their horses’ hoof-beats, and feeling the last rays of the sun on his skin.

Arthur has said nothing about that night, and Kai knows better than to press him; if Arthur wants to tell him, then he will.

If he does not … 

Perhaps he is afraid, even to think on it.

Perhaps Arthur is just trying to forget. If only Kai knew what he must forget ... 

It eats away at him. Everything he knows, he heard from Ezra and Aylia. In his mind’s eye, he sees Maximus forcing himself on Arthur; touching him where only Kai has the right; making Arthur suck his cock, or take it; making him cry out …

Kai urges his horse forward, level with Arthur’s, and puts a hand on Arthur’s arm.

Arthur flinches, turns towards him – a look of pained apology in his eyes – then turns away, and kicks his horse to a gallop. “Hah!”

Kai does the same. He feels the wind stinging his eyes to tears. 

When at last their horses tire, and slow to a walk, they’ve left the city far behind them, and the setting sun casts long shadows at their horses’ heels.

Arthur dismounts, and takes hold of Kai’s reins. “Stop a while.”

“You wish to make camp here?” 

“I don’t know.” Arthur looks around the hilltop where they stand – a small copse at their back. “Is it defensible, do you think?”

With just the two of them, nowhere under the sky is truly defensible – but Arthur knows that.

Kai shrugs. “It’s as good as anywhere. No one is following us, and we must rest.”

“Not yet. Let’s go on – a little farther.” Arthur bites his lip. “But first, I need to … Will you stand watch?”

“Of course.” They don’t usually worry about such things. 

As Arthur disappears among the trees, Kai looks towards the west, where he can just make out the eastern stars, starting to show their light. 

Arthur comes out, and Kai takes Arthur’s place, then they move on. They stop twice more, and Arthur looks around, but then insists on setting off again. 

At last, Arthur starts swaying in the saddle of his stumbling mount.

“Arthur, it is full dark. We can’t go on. The horses –”

“Alright – if we must.”

Kai gets down, and helps Arthur from his horse. He builds a fire, and lays their bedrolls out. He passes food to Arthur; Arthur eats mechanically, drinks a little mead, then falls asleep, leaning against a tree.

Kai lays him down, and covers him. “Oh, Arthur …” he says softly.

Then he, too, lies down to sleep.

~~

Not knowing whether he’s awake or dreaming, Kai feels a hand on his prick, and a warm body pressing against his back. In desperate need, he moans, and thrusts into Arthur’s welcoming palm. It’s been so long – not since before …

“Arthur … one moment ...”

But Arthur climbs on top of him, kissing him, hard and frantic, and though Kai wants to give in to his desire, he holds Arthur away. “Wait, Arthur, please.”

He freezes. “Isn’t this what you wanted?” 

“Yes …” Kai strokes Arthur’s cheek. “But not like this.”

“Like what, then? What is it? What’s wrong?”

Kai rubs his eyes. “I thought … Arthur, are you sure?”

“You’ve had to wait so long. Don’t you –” Arthur swallows. “Don’t you want me?”

“You are all I’ve lived for,” Kai says. “All.”

“Then why –?”

“Arthur, you don’t have to –” Kai takes a deep breath. “Give yourself time.”

Arthur’s face blanches in the dying firelight. “Then you know.” He lies down on his back, and stares into nothingness.

“I know Maximus … attacked you.”

“Attacked!” A short, bitter silence follows, then: “Who told you?”

“I saw your face when Maximus was being flogged. Then Ezra –”

“– told you I had been defiled.” Arthur’s voice thickens. “That’s why you no longer want me.”

“Arthur – I want you. See?” Kai puts Arthur’s hand on him.

“Then have me,” Arthur says savagely. “Have me!” He struggles out of boots and breeches. “Have me, take me!”

“I have nothing to ease –”

“Spit!” Arthur commands him. “Spit on your hand.” He gets on all fours, offering … demanding.

Kai spits on his hand, and spits again; he must do what Arthur seems to want, but still, he knows that this will hurt him. “Arthur … please …”

“Are you a man or a milkmaid? Get on with it.”

“Alright. If you are certain.” Kai kneels behind him, puts one hand on Arthur’s back, and slowly tries to ease a finger in. He hears Arthur gasp, and feels him stiffen. “Arthur?”

“Come on!”

But as Kai works inside him, Arthur squirms away. His arms collapse; his face lands on the sheepskin blanket, and he cries out, “No!” 

Kai pulls his hand back, as if burned.

“No! Get off me!” Arthur scrambles away, and sets his back against a tree.

Kai’s heart shrinks and cracks. “I didn’t mean to –”

“No … it’s me.” Arthur hugs himself. “ _I’m_ sorry … I just – I can’t …” 

He snatches for his breeches; he can’t reach them. Kai holds them out to him, and Arthur takes them; pulls them on, and then his boots.

“Arthur – you don’t have to do anything.”

“Yes. I do. You saved my life – and I can’t even …”

“Reward me?” Kai feels sick. “You think I need payment?”

Arthur looks away. “No. Of course not.”

He gets shakily to his feet, then kicks at the smouldering embers of the fire, sending sparks flying into the night. “What’s wrong with me? This happens every day to those poor girls, and still they …”

“Arthur, Maximus … violated you. You can’t expect –”

“He didn’t,” Arthur says, in a small voice. 

“He –?”

“He didn’t … really. Ezra came in time, Aylia brought him.” Arthur’s face crumples. “Only with his hand …”

“Oh, Arthur …” Kai goes to him quickly; takes him in his arms.

“Only … two …” Arthur’s chest heaves with silent sobs; he can barely get the words out. “Only … two fingers … Kai, I swear …”

Kai remembers Maximus’ huge hands. “I’ll kill him!”

“You did, my love.” Arthur rests his head against Kai’s shoulder.

Kai puffs out a breath. “Now I have it from your lips, I want to kill him thrice, each time, more slowly.”

“It could have been worse,” Arthur says. “If Aylia had not gone for help ... Oh God!” 

Arthur’s eyes widen; he takes huge breaths, gripping Kai’s shoulders, as if to let go would be his death.

“Shhh … Arthur, it’s alright. It’s over.”

Kai holds him close, and Arthur steadies a little.

“There … it’s alright.” He holds Arthur’s face between his hands, and looks into his eyes. “You’re safe,” he says. “I knew Aylia was a good girl. Thank the gods, she was there.”

“Yes. She was kind and brave. And so patient with me.” Arthur hangs his head. “As you are … after I –”

Kai lifts Arthur’s chin. “I said I had forgiven you.”

Arthur looks away. “How can you? The way I treated you …”

“I can forgive you anything.”

Arthur swallows. “Anything?”

“Is there more?” 

“Not really …” 

But Arthur will not meet Kai’s gaze. He struggles to his feet, and starts to pace. “Kai – what am I to do? I don’t think I can lead my people any more. This has unmanned me.”

Kai goes to him. “You don’t lead them with this –” Kai cups Arthur: “– but this, and this” – he touches Arthur’s head and heart. “And those will heal – be sure of it. Now come back to bed.”

Kai leads him back to what’s left of their campfire; Arthur follows meekly, and they sit down on Kai’s bedroll. 

“Sleep, Arthur – be at peace.”

So Arthur rests his head upon Kai’s chest, and soon, Kai hears his breathing settle; Arthur is asleep.

~~

**II**

Kai wakes at first light, to find Arthur lying close to him: Arthur’s hair soft against his cheek. Oh! But the feel and smell of him: at once familiar, and yet wonderfully new, after so long when every touch was stolen treasure.

They are together again. All will be well. 

He could lie here forever, content with just this, and nothing more – but nature calls, so Kai disentangles himself from Arthur, and goes in search of privacy.

A blackbird sings above him as he does what he must. He smiles.

He returns to find Arthur on his feet, looking about him, with his sword drawn, his eyes a little wild. “Where have you been?”

“I just went …” Kai jerks his head.

Arthur bites his lip. “Of course.” He lowers his weapon. “Foolish of me.”

Kai shakes his head. “I should have woken you – told you where I was going.”

“What? Am I a child, and you, my mother?” Arthur sheathes his sword with a disgusted movement.

“Arthur … after what we’ve been through, no one could blame you for being cautious.”

Arthur sits down on the ground, and puts his head in his hands. “How can I go on like this? Afraid of my own shadow?”

Kai kneels before him; grips his shoulders. “You can go on, because you have me beside you.” 

“But Kai, I feel so weak.”

“Arthur, your strength is not just in your own heart, but in the heart of every man who follows you. And I will follow you to the end of my days. And you _will_ grow strong again.”

Arthur tries to smile. “With you beside me, I must always have the strength of ten.” 

~~

Arthur tries to hold himself together; tries to stop thinking about … 

But long hours in the saddle give him too much time. The thoughts circle in his head, like carrion birds, around the carcass of his pride.

If he had fought harder; if he had cried out louder; if he had smashed that metal tray into Maximus’ groin, instead of his arm; if he had not turned the big brute against him that first day … his pride – his downfall.

Perhaps this was a lesson, sent to teach him humility: a lesson he didn’t want to learn, yet he has learned it.

Kai did the right thing – kept his head down, and his mouth shut; came through unscathed, and got both of them out, alive.

Unjust resentment burns in Arthur’s breast; he hates himself for it.

They ride on.

~~

They ride for seven days, mostly following the Roman road, but keeping away from settlements. Sometimes they see a rider in the distance; sometimes, a band of peddlers, or a farmer in a field. If any man approaches them, they turn aside, and take a longer way.

They live on what they catch, and what they find.

By day, Kai sees Arthur start at every bird’s call; at the crack of every twig. Sometimes, when tears run unheeded down Arthur’s face, Kai urges his horse closer. 

The first time, Arthur snaps, “I don’t need a nursemaid!” and Kai drops back. The next time, and after that, Arthur says nothing.

At night, they lie together, chaste, under the stars, and Arthur huddles close to him, sometimes waking of a sudden, and crying out. Sometimes he grips Kai’s hand when he must think Kai is asleep. 

One night, as they are settling down to sleep, thunder rolls in the distance, and Arthur goes pale as milk.

Kai asks, “What can I do?” and Arthur lashes out, “Why must you keep reminding me? It wasn’t my fault!”

“I know.”

“What’s done is done. There’s nothing you can do.”

“Yes – there is something.” 

Kai puts a hand on Arthur. Arthur heaves a dry sob, and cleaves to him with his whole body, and Kai shushes him, and strokes his hair, and brings him off, holding him close, and asking nothing in return. 

~~

The next day, Arthur seems to rally, doing what he must – whether it be catching a rabbit, or saddling his horse – with cool efficiency, as he used to do before.

Kai dares to make a joke, and Arthur even laughs; a brittle sound, but still … perhaps all will be well.

He just needs time.

~~

At last, they start to recognise a rocky outcrop here, a fallen log there; a bend in the river – familiar territory: the woods of home.

To Kai’s surprise, Arthur begins to stiffen in the saddle. 

“What is it, Arthur?”

Arthur gives him a nervous glance. “Will they know?” 

Kai doesn’t need to ask what Arthur means. 

“Of course not. How would they know?”

Arthur grips Kai’s arm. “And you won’t tell them?” 

“Arthur, I swear …”

“Even our father – even Llud, you won’t tell Llud? Please …” 

“Arthur, I will not tell Llud. I will tell no one.”

“It wasn’t my fault,” Arthur says softly.

“I know. But even so, I will tell no one.”

Arthur blinks, and nods. 

~~

As they reach the outskirts of their home range, Kai grins. “I can’t wait to see the look on Llud’s face when we ride in!”

Arthur smiles wanly. “I, too. But let us not ride in at the gate.” He lifts his chin. “Let us instead, test out our defences.”

“Now?”

“Especially now. We’re not expected. Men get lazy in the summer, especially when there’s no one to keep them in line.”

“Llud –”

“Oh, Llud! You and I know that Llud grows more lenient as his years advance. The young men of our village get away with twice as much as we ever would have done.”

Kai has to admit he’s right. 

So they approach from the top of the ridge, the same way Morcant mounted his attack. And they ride in unchallenged.

As they pass by, the children, playing near the water, squeal, and scatter to their huts. Women flick back the curtains from their doorways, and peer out, then quickly hide themselves. No one – man, woman or child – runs out to greet them.

Arthur and Kai exchange a puzzled glance.

When they reach the longhouse, they find a young sentry, Dafydd, sleeping at his post. Arthur knocks Dafydd’s spear aside, and puts his sword to the man’s throat.

Dafydd’s eyes open wide. He backs away. “Llud … Llud! Attack! We’re under attack!”

“Are you an idiot?” Arthur calls after him. 

Llud comes to the door, sword drawn. He takes a pace forward, then he stops. “Arthur? Kai?”

“Who else?” Kai says. “Have you gone blind, Old Man?”

“Enough of your cheek – till you remember how to shave!”

Kai and Arthur turn to look at one other; each sees a man with a month’s growth of beard; a warrior, fresh from a hard, campaign: grim, scarred, and terrifying.

They didn’t even realise …

Llud’s face breaks out in a grin. “What a sight you two are for sore, old eyes. Get down, and take some food and drink – Leni’s just brought in –”

“No … this won’t do …” Arthur mutters, his face darkening with a scowl. “Where are the sentries? The patrols? We came in from the north, and encountered not one soul – set off no warnings.”

Llud shrugs. “Things have been quiet. The Saxons are busy with the harvest, and Rolf’s latest push decimated the Picts.”

“When you don’t expect attack – that’s when you must be more alert. I want the defences checked, and sentries posted where they should be. Now!”

“Calm yourself.” Kai puts a hand on Arthur’s arm. “We’ve just come –”

Arthur knocks his hand away. “Don’t tell me to be calm! There’s calm, and there’s asleep. I’m away for five minutes – this village slumbers.”

By now, some of the villagers have dared to venture from their huts, to see what’s going on. They stare at their leaders – Arthur, all but foaming at the mouth – as if they had descended from the stars.

“Alright …” Llud nods. “I’ll assign more sentries, ride the perimeter, and tighten up on the warnings. But Arthur – you’ve just got back from gods know where. Why don’t you leave this to me? Go inside, and rest.”

Arthur’s fists clench. Then suddenly he seems to lose the will, and stalks into the longhouse without another word.

Kai shakes his head at Llud, then follows on Arthur’s heels.

They find Leni clearing the table. As she looks up and sees them, a plate falls from her hand; she backs away.

“What’s wrong with you, Woman?” Arthur snaps. 

Her mouth drops open. Then she runs to him, and enfolds him in her arms, pressing her face to his chest. He just stands there, his arms hanging loosely – doesn’t return the hug.

When she releases him, she turns to Kai, places her hand over her heart, then hugs him too, and Kai puts his arms round her. 

“Good to see you, Leni.” 

She gestures at the table.

Arthur sits down in his carved chair, shifts uncomfortably, then gets up and takes a seat beside Kai, on the bench. Leni puts food in front of them, and fill their mugs with mead.

“We’d better not eat too much,” Kai says, through a mouthful of bread and cheese. “Llud will be expecting a feast, later.”

“Feast?” Arthur sets down his chicken wing. “Why should there be a feast? We’ve little enough to celebrate.”

“I know you don’t feel like celebrating, but Llud has cause, and so does this village. We’re home, Arthur.”

“And what of Ewan of Cornwall? What of Brynn? All the rest who are never going home?”

Kai’s hand stops halfway to his mouth. “You think I don’t regret them too?”

“I did not say that. But –”

“Arthur – your people need to greet their leader, and his lieutenant. Welcome them home – see that they are whole, and ready to defend them once again. If there is no feast … people will ask why. Do you wish to tell them all our sorrows?”

Arthur shakes his head.

“Then we must have a feast – tell some tall tales. Say that I fought lions, bare-handed, and that you slew a hydra – give the minstrel something new to sing about. Then they will leave us in peace.”

Arthur slumps. “Alright. Let there be a feast – but not tonight.”

“No. Not tonight. I will tell Llud. Tonight, we sleep peacefully, in our own beds.”

“I think I’ll take myself off there now.” 

Kai nods. “I’ll let no one disturb you.”

“Thanks.” Arthur goes into the bed chamber, and shuts the door.

To Kai’s surprise, a moment later, he emerges, dragging the fleeces from their beds – Kai’s and Llud’s, as well as his own. “Burn these stinking skins, Kai!”

Kai stares at him. Then he nods. “We’ll get new ones. We have the coins from Ezra. We can buy as many –”

“That money is to buy stone for our new village,” Arthur snaps. “Not more sheep-skins. What? Are we animals ourselves? Old or new, they stink. I won’t have them where I sleep, d’you hear me?”

Kai frowns. They’ll be cold in winter. 

“Alright, Arthur.”

“It better be.” Arthur disappears into the bedroom once again.

Kai turns the skins over, and runs his fingers through the thick pile. He bought his own just this year. All are in good condition, and when he puts them to his nose, they smell alright. Some poor widow could make good use of any of them, even if Arthur won’t have them in the longhouse.

But Arthur said ‘burn them’, and Kai sees that this matters to Arthur very much, so he takes them out to the fire-pit, and throws them in, and as they singe, and start to burn, Kai wonders what else is burning with them.

~~

**III**

Arthur wakes with a start – a clutch of panic in his chest. Then, when he sees four familiar walls around him, he lets his head drop back onto the pillow. He is in his own bed, safe at home. 

He feels his prick, half-hard beneath the blankets. He was dreaming about Aylia: at least, he thinks …

Arthur feels sick with shame – more than the dream should warrant.

What’s wrong with him? 

 

He throws the covers off, and makes his way through the main room, and out the front door, and finds the village in turmoil. As Kai predicted, Llud has decided to organise a feast. 

After the order and routine of the arena, and the peace of the journey home, all this activity seems chaotic; it’s too much for him. Arthur retreats to the longhouse table, leaving the bustle and noise outside.

Leni brings food. He eats alone, in silence, then sits staring at the table for a while. 

Finally Llud comes in. “Arthur – you’re awake, at last! I thought you’d sleep till the last cockcrow. It’s good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back, Llud.” 

That’s what Llud wants – expects – to hear, and Arthur wants to feel it, but he can’t; he can’t feel anything. “I expect Kai’s told you what happened.”

“He’s told me nothing! Said I was to ask you. I’ve never known him so tight-lipped. Did you get to London? Did you find the missing men? Ewan of Cornwall?”

“Yes, we found him.” 

Arthur finds himself on his feet. “I … I can’t …”

He sweeps the breakfast platters off the table with a crash, scattering bread and apples, bowls of oatmeal, mugs of mead. He squeezes his eyes shut, and braces his hands flat on the table. “Ask Kai,” he says through gritted teeth. “Tell him I said to ask him.”

“Arthur …”

“Then send him here to me. And he’s to bring a sharp blade with him.”

Llud makes a worried sound, then … “Oh. And some hot water?”

“Yes – that too.” 

As Llud has bustles out, Arthur sits back down, and lays his head on his arms.

~~

When Llud seeks him out, Kai gives him the bare bones of the tale of their captivity.

Llud tightens his sword-belt. “We must get the chiefs together. Mount an attack on this –”

“No.” 

Llud’s eyebrows rise. “But – they made you fight for your lives, like animals … like –”

“No,” Kai says again. “Arthur says ‘no’, and – this time – I agree with him.”

“But –” 

“Even with all our men together, it would take a siege. We’d be too far from home, our supply chain too long, and in the end, the battle not worth fighting. This beast’s life is reaching its natural end, and when it dies, then we will pick from the carcass what we may.” 

Llud shakes his head. “I don’t understand you … but if you are both in agreement –”

“We are.”

“In that case … get yourself up to the longhouse. You both need a shave.”

~~

Arthur tries to pull himself together. He mops the table, throws the spoiled food out for the goats, and lays new rushes on the floor, and all neat and tidy when Kai appears, bearing a bowl of steaming water, a cloth, and a piece of soap.

“Not before time, I think,” Arthur says, sitting down at the table. “Better make ourselves presentable, if there’s going to be a public celebration.”

Kai draws his knife from its sheath, and tests it with his thumb. “This should do.” He looks up at Arthur. “Who first – you or me?”

“I’ll go first.”

While Arthur makes some lather, and spreads it on his face, Kai shines a tin plate with his sleeve, and props it against a jug on the table in front of him. But when Arthur picks up the blade, and sets it against his cheek, Kai grips Arthur’s wrist. 

“Better let me do that – unless you want to cut your own throat.”

Arthur looks at his trembling hand, then puts the knife down, lays the tin plate flat, and stares at the table. 

Without another word, Kai takes up the knife, and comes around to stand beside him. 

Arthur tilts his head to the side, letting Kai shave the stubble from his cheek; his jaw. He closes his eyes, but what he really wishes, is that no one could see him. 

The rasp of the blade across his skin tells him when to angle his head differently. Sometimes, Kai helps to guide him, with a light touch. Then he feels a steaming cloth against his newly-bared skin.

He sighs. 

“There.” Kai presses the cloth against Arthur’s other cheek. “Now I can see you properly again. There’s the man I love.”

Arthur looks around. Did anyone hear? Then he remembers … everyone here knows. Everyone in the land must know by now – Kai told it to the whole arena. 

Kai, the Saxon, loves Arthur, leader of the Celts … 

Then Kai saved him. 

For what?

He swallows, and stares at nothing.

“Are you –”

“No, I’m not alright, Kai. But let us just get through this night – then we will see what’s to be done.”

Kai looks worried. Of course he does.

Arthur puts a hand on his arm. “Nothing to fear. Just a few changes – for the better.”

Kai inclines his head, then sits down next to him, sets up the tin plate once more, and makes some lather. Arthur watches as he strips the tawny fur from his chin.

His Kai … 

~~

Before Kai has wiped the last smear of soap from his face, Arthur is running his hands through Kai’s hair; kissing his neck; his jaw; his eyes – and Kai feels so aroused he doesn’t know what to do. He sits quite still, and lets Arthur do with him what he pleases. 

And what he pleases …

Arthur kneels on the longhouse floor, and pulls Kai’s breeches down, and then his mouth, hot and wet, takes Kai in. Sometime in the proceedings, someone – Kai thinks it’s Llud, he can’t be sure – opens the longhouse door, then quickly closes again. 

Kai grips the bench as Arthur sucks him off.

Arthur looks up at him, with wild, uncertain eyes. “Was that –?” 

“Thank you,” Kai says, when he can get his breath.

Arthur shakes his head. “It’s the least I could do.”

Kai stands, and holds Arthur to him; feels Arthur’s prick, hard against him. “Shall we – ?” He tilts his head towards the bedroom.

Arthur shakes his head. 

Kai nudges Arthur’s growing hardness with his hip. “Your mouth says ‘no’, but this says ‘yes’.”

Arthur shoves him, and backs away.

“Arthur?”

“No! I said, ‘No!’” 

Kai spreads his hands, and takes a step back in his turn. “I meant no offence.”

“No …” Arthur looks at the floor. “I don’t suppose you did.”

“I merely offer myself, Arthur – when you are ready. I will not ask –”

“No, you will not.” Arthur blinks. He looks ashamed, and angry. “I have to –”

He pushes past Kai, and goes outside.

Kai follows him to the door, and sees him head towards the latrine. He heaves a sigh, and rests his head against the doorframe. 

~~

**IV**

The feast seems to be going well. Kai has managed to field most of the questions about their journey, and enough intoxicating liquor has been drunk that no one seems to see that Arthur’s in no mood to celebrate. 

Just as the evening reaches its height, when no meat is left to be eaten, no more toasts are left to be made, and there’s no mug or drinking horn that hasn’t been filled ten times over, Arthur gets to his feet. 

“Listen everyone!” 

The noise dies down a little.

Arthur bangs on the table. “Listen, I say!”

The room goes quiet.

Arthur sweeps the room with his gaze. “There’s going to be some changes around here,” he says. “We’ve grown complacent. Not just us – all of the Celts. That’s why we’ve suffered losses.”

Most of the men glance at their neighbours, as if to say, ‘Complacent? Not me! What’s he talking about?’

“Yes – complacent! All of us! We lost Dane to those scouting for new gladiators. Mark of Cornwall has lost men too. I can’t allow it to happen to us again. From now on, we will be more vigilant. And to that end, I have some new rules for you. Number one – no one is to leave this village alone.”

Faces befuddled by too much ale stare at Arthur, as if he’s grown an extra head. Kai shifts a little closer to him on the bench, and nods, as though all this has been discussed with him already, and agreed.

“Take someone with you, even if it’s just to the next village – even if it’s just down to the river to bathe, or to the woods, to hunt.”

A general rumble of discontent starts up.

“Two. If you are travelling outside of our own lands, you must travel in a party of no less than three. And two must take each watch at night.”

One of the older warriors, Morvan, rises from his seat. “Oh, come on, Arthur – be reasonable.” 

Arthur fixes him with a glare. “You won’t say that, when you are the one taken captive, and thrown to the lions.” 

Morvan sits down. 

“Another thing. All our young warriors are to learn the axe, as well as the sword.”

Shouts of, “What?” “No!” and, “What for?” come from all quarters.

“Yes, and any other weapon we can lay our hands on.”

Someone shouts out, “I won’t have my kids taught to fight with a filthy Saxon weapon!” 

Llud gets to his feet. “You will do as Arthur says. It makes sense. Only when you have fought with a weapon in your own hand, do you truly understand its strengths and limitations.”

Conyn smirks. “I suppose you’ll be learning it too, then.”

“I said, ‘the _young_ warriors’!” 

“Hey!” Llud gives Arthur a stern look; and everyone else laughs.

“But I will take lessons in the axe as well,” Arthur says. “Kai will teach all of us.”

Arthur said nothing of this to him … but if it’s what he wants ... “Of course.” Kai nods. 

But still, Kai hears more grumbling from the ranks, and that won’t do. Glancing balefully around the room, he rises slowly and deliberately to his feet.

The grumblers fall silent.

Kai reaches for a jug of mead, and sits back down.

Then someone mutters that no Saxon has anything to teach _him._

“Enough!” Arthur bellows. “And there’s one more thing. We’re going to move the village.”

Absolute silence greets this news.

“Not immediately. When I have negotiated for building materials.”

At last, some brave soul pipes up – “Why?”

“Our warnings are slack, and in any case, they are too widely known.”

Another calls out, “Whose fault is that?” 

Arthur sends Kai a look of apology. “Never mind that. Stout walls are what we need now. Walls we can defend.” 

“Walls? Built of what?”

“Stone. As it is, our huts are vulnerable to attack with fire. We’re going to build our new village out of stone.”

More silence, and blank looks. Then, Morvan shouts, “We gonna be like the bloody Romans?”

“What is wrong with everyone?” Arthur slams a fist on the table. “If you don’t like it, you can stay here. But if you want the protection of Kai, Llud and myself, you will follow my lead.”

The longhouse rumbles with confusion and dissent.

Llud looks up from tapping another drink from the barrel. “We’re nearly dry here, Arthur. Why don’t you and Kai go to the store, and bring another keg?”

Arthur takes a few steps towards the door, then comes to a sudden stop, turns on his heel, and faces Llud. “I’m the leader here! Don’t tell me what to do.”

Llud just stares.

Kai slowly rises from his seat. “We are both very tired. Please, leave us, everyone.”

Arthur’s face twitches, but he stands aside to let them pass. A few of the men stop, and try to speak to Kai; they want to ask him what this is all about. But Kai just shakes his head, and motions them towards the door.

~~

In just a few short weeks, the village becomes a fortress.

No one gets in, without passing two sets of sentries. No one gets out without a pass from Arthur, and no man spends a day without a turn on watch;. Every day, Arthur patrols the boundaries, and anyone caught slouching feels the lash of his tongue, and sometimes more.

He always takes Kai with him.

They send warnings to their allies – Ambrose, Hereward, Mark, and the rest – about the arena; Arthur sends some of the coins to Ewan’s mother. Other than that, if someone from a neighbouring fiefdom comes to ask for help, they do not always get it. 

The blacksmith works all hours, forging new weapons, and mending the old. The young boys – whether they have the aptitude or not – suffer a punishing routine of training; sword and short sword; club and quarter-staff; bow and sling-shot; axe and spear. 

The same goes for the fighting men. 

Little laughter is heard in the village now, and what there is dies on the lips when Arthur appears: a peeled switch in his hand. Anyone – man or boy – caught giving less than his best, gets flicked across the legs, and given more to do. 

If Arthur’s men were feared before, now they are dreaded – and every man himself in dread of Arthur’s wrath.

When Arthur has business elsewhere, and leaves Kai in charge, the palpable relief descends. But Arthur rarely leaves the village now, and never alone; never without Kai or Llud beside him.

~~

Winter comes early, bringing such cold as Kai has never felt before. Blankets can’t do the work of fleeces, and Llud complains, then declares that he’s taking himself off to the hut of a widow, with no prohibitions – on fleeces, or much else.

As their father collects his few possessions, Kai feels Arthur’s anxious gaze upon him.

When Llud closes the door behind him, Kai punches Arthur on the arm. “You won’t get rid of me as easily as you did Llud.”

Arthur looks mightily relieved.

Now, every night, Arthur sleeps with Kai for warmth: he has so little of his own. 

Sometimes, Kai wakes to find Arthur rutting against him, and sometimes Arthur fucks him, but there’s no tenderness in their love-making, except what Kai brings to it. He tries to return compassion for rage; submission for rough-handling; love for indifference, but this just seems to anger Arthur more.

And when Arthur has used Kai, he just turns his back, and goes to sleep, but Kai makes no complaint. He knows that Arthur is in more pain than he can imagine: not just because of that last night, alone with Maximus, but because of all the myriad insults to his pride that went before.

~~

Few gather in the longhouse now, and one day, Kai finds himself there alone. 

These days, he is always alone.

He picks up a knife, and throws it at the target board. It hits the outer edge. He throws another, and another, and another. Not one of them hits the mark. He collects them all and starts again. 

Again, he fails to hit the spot. He yanks the knives out of the board and tries again. His aim gets worse and worse. One knife misses the board entirely.

Kai glares at his shaking hands, and, grabbing the errant knife up from the floor, he cuts himself – a nasty gash across his palm. He grips it; wraps the edge of his shirt around it, trying to stanch the blood. 

Then Llud appears beside him, and takes his hand. “Here – let me help you.” 

“Where did you spring from?”

“I’ve been here all along.” Llud sits him down. “What’s wrong, Kai? Has something happened between you two?”

Kai shakes his head. He isn’t going to cry.

“Something you did?”

“I don’t know,” Kai says miserably. 

“What’s wrong with Arthur?”

“I … can’t tell you.”

Llud looks hurt. Then he nods. “You promised Arthur …”

Kai says nothing. He feels his lip tremble. He isn’t going to cry.

Llud puts an arm around his shoulders. “Come on – let’s get that hand down to Leni.” 

~~

In spring, a messenger arrives from Ezra. Arthur bargains for stone, and for the builder’s services. He chooses a new site for the village – sloping land, near a river. A few huts already huddle there, but they belong to Celts, who are glad enough to let Arthur bring his men and his protection to their small settlement.

From the top of the ridge, Arthur and Kai see the river barge – bringing the stone and mason – slide into view: Ezra’s familiar rotund figure standing foursquare on the deck.

Llud appears at their shoulders. “Is that the bastard –?”

Kai nods.

Llud’s hand goes to his sword hilt, but Arthur grips Llud’s hand, and holds it firm.

“I’ll need you to patrol the boundaries, Llud.” 

“But you’ve already –”

“Now!” Arthur snaps. “Do as I say.”

“But there’s so few of them. We could –”

Arthur turns a look of fury upon Llud; Llud, one of incomprehension on Kai. Kai gives a slight shake of his head, and Llud sighs, and goes to do Arthur’s bidding.

Then Arthur turns to Kai. “Deal with Ezra for me, would you, Kai?”

Kai blinks: surprised to be given any choice about it; glad to save Arthur the pain of facing Ezra. “Of course.” 

“You don’t mind, do you?”

Kai puts an arm around Arthur’s shoulders, and – for once – Arthur doesn’t shrug him off, but lets Kai pull him close. 

Kai closes his eyes; he wishes they could stay like this forever. 

“Here.” Arthur puts the coin pouch in Kai’s hand.

Kai rattles down the hill to meet the boat, and by the time he gets there, it has docked at the small jetty.

Ezra waves to him from the deck. “Kai, Old Son!” 

“Ezra.” Kai nods, and steps across the plank to go aboard.

Ezra stares at him. “Bloody ’ell! What happened to you? You look like you lost a denarius and found a penny. And where’s Arthur?”

Kai’s face hardens.

Ezra goes pale; he puts a hand up to his mouth. “Oh … he … he ain’t died, has he?”

“No, Ezra. Arthur lives.” 

How could Ezra understand the toll his arena took? 

“It’s been a hard winter – that’s all.”

“Sorry to hear it.” 

Kai hands back the pouch – albeit somewhat lighter – that Ezra gave them all those long months ago, and Ezra at once signals his men. They start to heave the heavy blocks across the plank, and pile them on the shore.

Kai looks at the pouch resting in Ezra’s hand. “Aren’t you going to count it?” 

Ezra scoffs. “Arthur wouldn’t cheat me, would he?”

Kai laughs, and shakes his head.

“So …” Ezra looks at the sun, hanging low and bloody in the west. 

He’s hoping Kai will offer him a bed for the night.

“I’m sorry, Ezra, but I cannot extend our hospitality to you,” Kai says. “You understand ...”

Ezra’s mouth quirks – he’s disappointed – but he nods. “’Course.” He scratches his left ear. “Well, I’ll be off as soon as we’ve unloaded, then. Builder’s making his own way, when he finishes here.” He tips a few coins into his palm and hands them back to Kai. “Here. Pay him when he’s done.” 

While Celts, under the mason’s orders, start to shift the blocks, on carts, to where they plan to build the village wall, Kai asks after Aylia, and Leonora; Abel and the horses. He’s glad to hear that all are settled in new lives. At last, the barge is empty of its load.

“What about you?” Kai jerks his head. “Where will you go now?”

“South of Gaul, Mate. Got a nice little farm lined up. You’re both welcome to visit, any time, if you like. You’ll soon find me.”

“Of that, I have no doubt.” Kai smiles, and shakes Ezra’s hand.

They both know they won’t meet again.

Ezra’s men push the barge off, and they move on.

~~

Under the mason’s direction, Arthur’s people build a stone wall around the village, and when they’re done, there’s stone left for more constructions. Not everyone re-builds their hut in stone; many prefer wicker, rushes, mud, and timber. But the longhouse is built of stone – a meeting place, only.

Saying he wants privacy and quiet, Arthur has a stone hut built, just for himself and Kai.

They sit inside the echoing stone, at a wooden table. Kai looks around the four bare walls. “So … we are to live together here … just us.” 

“Well, you told the whole world about us. Why should we not? But we won’t continue to couple like animals, without the blessing of a priest.”

“A priest?” Kai frowns. “Would a priest …” Kai makes a vague gesture, encompassing the two of them. 

“Why not? We can but ask.”

Kai draws his dagger, and turns it over and over in his hand. At last, he says, “Arthur, even if he agrees – your faith is not my faith.”

Arthur’s face flushes with fury. “You expect me to go on living as your Celtic whore?”

Kai strikes his dagger into the table, marking the new wood. He has to bite his tongue, to stop himself saying, ‘whores give pleasure.’ Instead, he takes a deep breath, and bows his head. “Then, if it pleases you …”

So they call Abbot Morpeth to their hut, and stand with him outside the door. Just the two of them, and Llud, and a few curious onlookers gather for the short ceremony.

“We should not separate in speech, those who are joined in life. Vouchsafe unto these, thy servants, Arthur and Kai, grace to love one another, and to abide un-hated, and not a cause of scandal, all the days of their lives, with the help of the Holy Mother of God, and all thy saints. And they shall kiss the Holy Gospel, and each other, and it shall be concluded." 

The abbot holds the book; both kiss the worn, leather-bound volume.

Then Kai takes Arthur’s face between his hands. It has been so long since Arthur kissed him. Arthur looks pained and afraid; tries to avoid Kai’s eyes.

“Arthur …?”

Arthur blinks, and meets his gaze, and Kai brushes his lips softly against Arthur’s.

A shiver runs through Arthur’s body.

Then he grips Kai’s hand and – leaving Llud standing with the abbot on the step – drags him inside.

In a low voice, Arthur says, “You’re _mine_ now.” 

“I was yours before,” Kai says. “I always have been yours. I need no priest to make it so.”

Nevertheless, Arthur proves his ownership. He pushes Kai to the floor, and takes him brutally from behind, as has become his habit, in these times.

~~

While Arthur sleeps, Kai lies curled up around his misery. After what Arthur has suffered, Kai feels he has no right to let Arthur see his tears.

Surely there must be something he can do, to help Arthur; to help them both? But Arthur took it as an insult when he offered help before.

Instead, the next morning, Kai simply asks, “Arthur, is there something about me that displeases you? Something I have done wrong? Something that I might mend?”

Arthur stares blankly at him. “What’s broken cannot be mended.” He drops his gaze. His knuckles whiten as he grips the arms of his carved chair. “If you don’t like the way I treat you, you can leave.” 

Kai sits down at the table, and starts working his way through a stubborn hunk of bread.

~~

Arthur starts staying out at night. Not every night, but often enough to make tongues wag. The gossips say that Arthur sleeps with any woman in the village who will have him. 

Kai tries not to hear.

When Arthur does come home, still, Kai’s prick stiffens as he hears the door creak open, but he dreads, as well as craves, what happens next.

Is this a test? Pass or fail, he wishes it would end.

Only once, when Arthur stays out until the first light of dawn, does Kai dare look up from his sleepless bed, and ask, “Where have you been?”

It’s not a challenge; just the humble question of a broken heart.

Arthur looks down on him with terrible contempt. “I’ll go where I like, and I’ll fuck who I like. I’m not your prisoner.”

It cuts Kai to the bone.

~~

**V**

Life goes on; autumn comes round again, but this year has been the longest of Kai’s life. He knows it must be so for Arthur too, though they don’t speak of it. They don’t talk about anything any more, barring the practicalities of life.

Each moment, all Kai longs for is to say, ‘I love you’, and to hear Arthur say it back, or just to see him smile. But – knowing the look Arthur will turn upon him – he finds the words stick in his throat.

Each day it breaks Kai’s heart afresh to see Arthur so close, and yet so very far away: needing – yet fearing, and shunning what he needs.

One fine, crisp afternoon, they ride out, as they always do, to check the men on watch. When they are halfway round, Kai stops to water his horse; Arthur goes on ahead. 

There was a time when, outside the village walls, Arthur would not go out of sight or earshot of him, so Kai dares take this as hopeful sign. But as he mounts up to move on, he hears a cry of pain – and then another, and another. 

He leaps onto his horse, and – branches whipping at his face – he thunders through the trees towards the cries. He bursts out of the forest at the look-out point, to find … Arthur, safe. 

It’s the man on watch – Dafydd, again – whom Kai heard crying out. He’s tied to a post; his back is striped with red, where Arthur has cut him with his switch. 

As Arthur readies himself to strike again, Kai throws himself from his horse. “No! Arthur! Stop!” He runs to Arthur, and grabs his arm. 

“He was asleep!” Arthur yells, his face flushed with fury. He pulls away from Kai, and draws his arm back for another blow.

Kai takes hold of him once more. “Don’t do this, Arthur.”

_“He was asleep on watch!”_

Kai draws in a sharp breath. He’s been so blind …

“And now, he is awake,” Kai says firmly. “No harm has come of _his_ mistake. There’s no invasion. No-one taken prisoner.” 

“But –”

“This is Dafydd.” Kai looks into Arthur’s eyes. “Dafydd is not the one deserving of this punishment. Is he?”

Arthur’s arm goes limp. He stares at Dafydd’s back.

Kai draws his knife, and cuts the man’s bonds. “Go home. Back to the village. Go to Leni.”

Dafydd glances nervously at Arthur for permission. 

Arthur bites his lip, and nods, and Dafydd mounts his horse and gallops off, before Arthur can change his mind. 

Kai stands before his broken leader. “Arthur, punish me, if that’s what you want. Hit me.”

Arthur’s face twitches. Then he swings, and hits Kai on the jaw. 

Kai staggers back. “Good. That’s good. Hit me again.”

Arthur punches him in the face. Blood trickles from Kai’s nose and lip, but Arthur’s eyes are flint. It’s not enough.

Kai tears off his shirt, and takes Dafydd’s place, holding the post. “Go on. Give me the beating you promised Brett back then. You’ve waited for this. Do it, Arthur!”

The first blow lands before the words die on Kai’s lips – harder, and faster than Kai thought it would – and as the switch bites, Arthur drowns Kai’s startled whimper with a yell: “You fell asleep!” 

“I know.” Kai braces himself. “I know. I deserve –”

“You fell asleep!” 

A flurry of blows lands on Kai’s back; Kai swallows down his cries of pain, and takes his punishment. 

“You fell asleep, you Fucking Dog!”

Silent tears burn Kai’s cheeks.

“You fell asleep!” Arthur’s voice starts to crack. “You fell asleep – you fell asleep, and let them take us …”

Two more blows land on Kai’s raw flesh. 

“I know,” Kai says. “I let you down. It’s my fault, Arthur, everything, all my fault. There is no blame on you.”

A single blow falls, weaker than the rest – and then it’s over. Arthur drops to his knees, sobbing so hard that he can hardly breathe. 

“Kai, I was hard … when he … when Maximus …”

Kai kneels beside him; takes him in his arms. “You couldn’t help it, Arthur. That was my fault too. I’m sorry … I’m so sorry.”

Arthur lets out a low moan, that just goes on and on.

“It didn’t mean a thing, Arthur. You were afraid, that’s all.”

The keening doesn’t stop.

Kai rocks him gently. “My fault, Sweetheart. All my fault.”

He pats his back, and holds him, till at last, after a few hiccupping sobs, Arthur goes quiet, and looks up at Kai. His face all red and blotched, Arthur says, “How can you even bear to look at me?”

“You’re all I want to see.” 

Kai finds his shirt, soaks a corner of it with water from their supply, and cools Arthur’s face with it.

“Thank you.” Arthur grips Kai’s arm. “Oh God, what have I done?”

~~

Now that the scales have fallen from Arthur’s eyes, he sees how much straighter the men stand when he strides past, and how the children scatter at his approach, where once, they used to run to him. He notices the disapproval on Llud’s face; the worry on Leni’s, and how tired Kai looks; how careworn.

He goes down to the river to bathe, and as he walks into the water, sees a reflection – but it isn’t him; it’s not his face. Rippling on the water’s surface, laughing at him, Maximus lives on.

In trying to protect himself, he has become the thing he feared.

“Away with you, foul apparition!” He dashes the water with his hands. The image shatters.

Then he swims, and as the water slides across his limbs and flanks, he feels something evil wash away, and Arthur is himself again.

~~

That night, he tells Kai: “I went down to the river to bathe.”

“Alone?” Kai frowns. “You should have asked me to come with you.”

It’s been so long … Kai has forgot their code. 

Arthur takes Kai’s hand, and leads him – doesn’t drag him, as has become his habit, but leads him gently – towards their sleeping quarters.

“Oh …” Kai’s eyes grow wide. He follows Arthur with tentative steps. “You mean …”

Arthur bars the door behind them. Then he rips off his tunic, and scrambles backwards onto the bed. He tries to pull Kai after him, but Kai stays kneeling at his feet. 

Arthur’s heart shrinks. “What’s wrong?” 

Perhaps these past few months have been too much for Kai to bear; perhaps this change has come too late. “Don’t you want …?”

Kai nods gravely. “Of course, but …”

He beat Kai … beat the man he loves …

“Does your back hurt too much? Oh, Kai, I’m so sorry.” 

Kai puts a finger to Arthur’s lips. “Forget it.”

“But your wounds –”

“I stole some salve from Leni. Anyway –” Kai smirks: “– you hit like a girl.”

Arthur feels something inside his chest release. Relief floods through him, and he laughs, and takes Kai’s hands in his: the fingers, long and sensitive; broad at the tips.

These are not the hands that hurt him.

“You have beautiful hands.” Arthur takes the middle finger of Kai’s left hand in his mouth, and sucks the tip.

Kai closes his eyes; his whole body shudders; he makes a small sound in his throat, and quivers like a dog, who – sighting his quarry – wants to run, but waits on his master’s signal.

“Soon, my love.” Arthur takes a flask of oil from by the bed. 

He tries to remove the stopper – but neither of them has used this flask all year, and it’s stuck fast. Arthur grimaces, and twists, and pulls. The stopper comes free; fragrant oil spills over his hands and breeches. “Oh, bugger!”

Kai snorts.

Arthur looks up at him, and smiles shyly. “These breeches – they’ll have to be washed.”

Kai swallows. “Perhaps you’d better … um … take them off, then.”

“You.”

~~

Arthur has not let Kai undress him – touch him like this – for so long, that Kai’s hands shake as he takes off Arthur’s boots, and peels his breeches back. He gazes at Arthur’s cock, standing tall amidst his soft, dark hairs. His mouth waters; his eyes fill with tears.

Arthur shifts his hips. “Come on, then.”

His heart pounding, Kai crawls up the bed a little way; he cups Arthur’s balls in both hands, and kisses them. He feels Arthur’s hand petting his hair; giving him leave. He kisses round the root of Arthur’s cock. 

Arthur’s back arches; he gasps, and lets one leg fall to the side. “Kai … I want to … I want you to …” 

Kai stares into the warm darkness he has been denied so long. What if it’s still too soon?

Arthur spreads oil over each finger of Kai’s right hand, then places it between his thighs. “Please, Kai …”

Kai has to close his eyes, or he will come, just at the sight of his hand, where it rests. But he must go with care. Arthur’s dark eyes still well with sadness, even in the heat of his need. His lips quiver. 

“Kai – I’ve been so unkind.”

“You didn’t mean it.” Kai shakes his head. “You didn’t mean it …” 

He slides a slick finger down, and in, and reaches the tender place; in unison, they arch towards each other, eyes closed, hearts beating as one. 

~~

Arthur needs to get his breath. He puts a hand on Kai’s shoulder, and rests his forehead against Kai’s. “I’m ready. One more, Kai.”

“Arthur, you don’t have to –”

“I want to.”

“Are you sure?”

Then Kai withdraws – Oh! Cruel – and curls his fingertips up behind Arthur’s balls, then slides them back down the furrow between his thighs, and over his entrance.

Arthur grips his arm. “Please – don’t tease me.”

“Sorry.” Kai swallows, then he eases two fingers in. 

Arthur gasps. “Yes!” He pushes down, riding Kai’s hand. “Yes. I want you.”

“I’m yours,” Kai says. “You have me.”

Arthur nods. “I’m ready.”

Kai struggles out of his clothes, and throws them aside. His hair sticks out all round his head, a ragged halo; his prick, a golden rod, stiff in his hand, ready to serve.

“Kai, My Angel.”

Kai laughs, uncertain. “Some angel!”

“Yes, you are.” Arthur puts a hand on Kai’s arm. “You stayed with me … even …”

“Shhh … let it be, Arthur. We’re both still here. I love you –”

Kai looks suddenly afraid; he should not be afraid.

Arthur touches his cheek. “Go on …”

Kai nods, gathers his wits, and starts afresh. “I love you, Arthur, and I hope that – one day – you will find it in your heart to love me again, as you once did.”

“Oh, Kai – I never stopped … though why you should believe me …”

“You love me?”

The hopeful, painful lift in Kai’s voice makes Arthur’s heart hurt for him. “Of course, I love you, Kai.”

Kai’s face breaks out in a smile to melt all the snows of winter, or the ice around the coldest heart.

Arthur reaches for his hand again. “This past year, I’ve hated myself so much …”

Then Kai’s lips are on his, and all he knows is that he loves, and that, for all his faults, Kai loves him in return.

…

They break for air. Arthur looks down at both their cocks, and says, “Shall we …?”

Kai swallows, and nods. “How should we do this?”

Now they come to it, Arthur feels a clench of doubt. “It would be easier from behind …”

Kai waits, stroking the inside of Arthur’s thigh. “But …?”

Arthur takes a deep breath. “All these months, I would not let you look on me, or breach me, because I feared seeing Maximus’ face. I will not do you that disservice any longer. I must learn to trust again.”

“Arthur, I would never do anything to harm you … force you –”

“– as I have forced you, these past months.” Now, he can’t bear to look at Kai, and see love shining in his face, and think of all the pain he’s given in return.

“No. You have not.” Kai takes Arthur’s chin in his hand, and makes him meet his gaze. “You cannot force a willing servant. Whether Brett or Kai, I am your bondsman, always. Do with me what you will.”

~~

Arthur pours oil into his palm, and reaches for him. As Arthur slicks him, Kai gives a low moan. His lord’s hand upon him, after so long when Arthur has not touched him with love, would be enough to make him lose control, if he were not so scared of doing something wrong. 

“Oh, Kai … my poor love. Come to me.”

Kai slowly crawls towards him, wedging a shoulder into the crook of Arthur’s knee.

Arthur gasps; his eyes grow wide. “Yes …” he murmurs; raises his other leg, and rests it on Kai’s back.

Kai nudges gently, begging admittance.

“Come inside,” Arthur says. “Let me hold you inside, and never let you go.”

Using one hand to guide him, Arthur yields to him so sweetly, that Kai feels his chest swell with pride. He kisses Arthur’s mouth, and enters him like a ship, slipping into its home berth.

Arthur moves with him, giving little cries of joy.

Kai smoothes Arthur’s hair, then places Arthur’s hand on his own prick, and braces himself: his arms take Arthur prisoner, but with love.

“I’ve missed this so much.” Arthur closes his eyes. “I’ve missed you.”

Then he looks up into Kai’s face, and smiles at him through his tears, as the stone wall around his heart crumbles to dust, and they come home again. 

~~

_Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> First archived here: 27 August 2011.  
> Revised: 29 March 2014.  
> Please join the [Arthur of the Britons](http://arthur-britons.livejournal.com/profile) community on Livejournal, for more fic, discussions, transcripts, icons, and stuff about the actors you won't find elsewhere.


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